The Art of the Invitation · Part 2
Who we invite
Encounter is curated. Start with people you'd genuinely enjoy doing life, travel, and business with, and know why each one came to mind.
Encounter is a curated community. That word matters. We aren't trying to reach everyone. We're looking for the people we'd genuinely love to learn with, travel with, and build with, and we invite them one at a time.
The Málaga training starts every new member in the same place: "Who would you genuinely enjoy having in Encounter? Write down three names and one specific reason each person came to mind." Section 8 of the invitation narration says the same thing in warmer words: start with three people you'd love to bring with you. If you haven't seen it yet, it's available in the Community.
Start with people you'd enjoy
Your first names shouldn't come from a list of everyone you know. Ask a simpler question. Who would make a trip better? Who asks good questions? Who keeps saying they want more friends who are building something?
Members can take part without building a business, so the right person doesn't have to want a business. Some will love the people and the teaching. Some will love the travel. Some will want to build. All of them belong in a curated community if you'd genuinely enjoy having them there.
Why the reason matters
The reason is what turns a list into an invitation. "She'd love it" is a guess. "She's been wanting to travel with friends again since her kids left home" is a reason, and it tells you which part of Encounter to mention first.
The training describes three ways into the same community. If someone cares about community, start with the people, the teaching, and the mastermind conversations. If they care about travel, start with a real experience. If they care about building, start with what they want to build and the support available.
People like us more than we think
Many people leave someone off their list because they assume the friendship has cooled. Erica Boothby and colleagues found a consistent "liking gap": after a conversation, people underestimated how much their conversation partner liked them and enjoyed their company. That pattern held in lab conversations and among new college roommates over several months.
If someone came to mind, the friendship may be warmer on their side than you assume. Write the name down.
Your list, in practice
Take five quiet minutes. Write three names. Next to each, write one specific reason they came to mind and the part of Encounter you think they'd enjoy most. Then stop. You don't need to message anyone yet.
Make it yours
- Who would make a trip better just by being there?
- Who has said something recently that made you think of Encounter?
- Which part would each person enjoy first: the people, the travel, or building?
For example: “Marta: she keeps saying she wants to travel with friends instead of only for work, so I'd start with the trips. Dev: he's building his own studio and always asks good questions, so I'd start with the business side. Rosa: we've talked about a girls' trip for three years, so I'd start with the people.”
For builders: your ten
For members who want to build, section 9 of the narration starts with ten. Encounter's building model is "Get 10. Help them get 10." The first three names are the start of that ten. Add to the list slowly, with the same rule for every name: a person you'd enjoy and a reason you can say out loud.
For leaders
When a member shares a name, ask what they know about that person's life right now. That one question sharpens a vague reason into a personal one, and it helps you support the invitation later.
Ask about the list
“I'd love to hear about your list. Who's the person you're most excited about, and why them?”
Make it yours
- How would you actually say this? Shift the words to how you really talk, the way you would in a text to this person.
- Which member on your team hasn't shared a name yet?
- What question helps them get specific without feeling tested?
For example: “That's a lovely choice. What has she been talking about lately? That might be the part of Encounter she'd love first.”
Sources
- Boothby, E. J., Cooney, G., Sandstrom, G. M., & Clark, M. S. (2018). The liking gap in conversations: Do people like us more than we think? Psychological Science, 29(11), 1742–1756. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797618783714
- Encounter team training in Málaga, "An invitation worth sharing," 9 October 2026. Available in the Community.
- Encounter invitation narration, "ENCOUNTER | A private invitation" (approved wording, sections 1 to 10, 14 September 2026).
- Encounter Compensation Training, page 1, "The Encounter building plan: Get 10. Help them get 10."