Starting real conversations

The Málaga training names the team's most common habit: we explain too much, too soon. If you haven't seen it yet, it's available in the Community. An opening becomes a tour of everything before we know what the other person cares about. This part is about doing the opposite.

When someone asks what Encounter is, use one sentence that sounds like you. Then pause. If they ask about the travel, talk about the travel. If they ask about the people or the business, start there. A pause gives them room to participate.

The training lists questions that hand the conversation back: "What part of that interests you?" "Where are you planning to travel next?" "What are you working on at the moment?" Their answer is more useful than another paragraph from you.

Karen Huang and colleagues found that people who asked more questions, and especially more follow-up questions, were liked more by their partners. In speed-dating conversations, people who asked more follow-up questions were more likely to get a second date. A follow-up shows you were listening.

The group at the Málaga training challenged the idea that you need years of experience before you can share something meaningful. Talk about a trip you actually took, a conversation you had, or why you chose to join.

Kardas, Kumar, and Epley found that people expected deep conversations with strangers to be more awkward than they were, and underestimated how much the other person cared about what they shared. Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder found something similar on trains and buses: commuters asked to talk with a stranger had a more pleasant ride than those who sat alone, even though they predicted the opposite.

The lesson for Encounter: the conversation you're nervous about is usually warmer than you expect.

In public, the same rule applies. Share a real moment and end with a question people can answer from their own life. Use your own photos, and if a trip was independently arranged, describe it that way.

One person asks, "What is Encounter?" The other gives one sentence and stops. Continue for two minutes using genuine questions, then switch roles. Notice where you started answering questions nobody asked.

Run the six-minute practice at the end of any team call. Afterwards, ask each person where they started explaining too much. If a member tells you they explained everything in a real conversation, ask what they'd keep if they could only say one sentence next time.